Jesse Lozano

So, one thing I’ve had to be reminded about myself in setting up this website & blog, is how much of a perfectionist I can be.

I suppose I tend to take that aspect of myself for granted, given in most of my daily life, I’m able to hold myself to my own internal standards, thus function, but when I have to do something where my skill level is lower than the standard I hold for myself, well then all hell breaks loose. the good part is  I improve in those area’s naturally, while working on them, but I have known the difficulty of catching that spark to motivate oneself in those circumstances.

drawing was like that for me for years. I wanted to draw, but my skill level was way lower than what I wanted to be able to do. it made it really hard to motivate myself, because I couldn’t make something at least I liked at that moment. eventually, I found a muse, a spark, something I could draw, and like immediately, which got me into the knack of drawing regularly, which let me start improving.

because that’s something I think is important when trying to pick up something new. you need to be able to like what you did. now, that’s not in anyway meaning it has to be good at first, because it won’t be. no matter who you are. the first video game I made was bad. really bad, and hopefully, no one will ever see it.

but at of it, I still liked it. Still liked working on it. and from there, I am here now, making things of quality I’d at least call passable, if not good, with the only way to go being up in my skill.

a similar skill I’m currently having a sort of issue with is music.

now, I am no musician; I know this. I’ve taken all of one class in music, and was able to come out of it, knowing more about music production, and roughly 5 songs in my own personal album that I whipped up over the class that I like, and can still listen to but that’s it. Since then however, I haven’t been able to create a piece of music I’ve liked. Can’t get my footing down on a start of a song that I like well enough to follow though and actually make it. And that in itself is a bit of a frustration for me.

I think the reason in that case, was that with those 5 original songs, they were all limited to being made in Mixcraft, using samples to mix together into something, and while fun, I found the limits of it quickly, and my standards grew higher than them. its probably why, of all those songs I made, the one I like the most, and go back to the most, is the one I actually composed the pieces of (in museScore, if anyone’s counting) then mixed together in mixcraft.

but writing music is not my strong suit, as much as I’d like it to be a thing I could say I’m good at, along with all the other things I can do, it simply isn’t there, and I have more important skills to hone for my goals in life.

I could practice more, and who knows, maybe my “album” will grow, ever so slightly, as the years go on.

I guess, the rambling point I’m trying to reach, is you just gotta go do it, to get better, but man a muse helps.

like blog posting, there are tons of ideas I’d love to write about, and discuss, but man, has this been hard.

here’s to hoping the next one is easier. 🙂